An Ironic Father-Son Story #IRL | A Dad’s Point-of-View by Bruce Sallan

I’ve often dissed Hollywood and Madison Avenue for their depictions of dads, and men in general, for that matter. It is still not optimal, but it is changing for the better. How surprising to me that the best current portrayal of a father-son relationship came in a documentary about chimpanzees!

Yes, the DisneyNature movie, “Chimpanzee,” does their usual Disney formula of killing off a parent. But, this time it’s mom and this time dad steps up. Not reluctantly, but with pride and purpose. And, this time it was real and not a writer’s choice.

I loved the movie. I loved how they captured the family structure, world, and highs and lows of life in the rain forest. And, no they did not choose the story – the story chose them. It was indeed #IRL – In Real Life to use a common acronym that is bandied about.

Dad bloggers and other cultural pundits have correctly observed that Hollywood tends to portray dads in a doltish fashion. Somewhere along the way, maybe with the evolution of the PC Police, dads became the butt of jokes. If you touch a woman or a mom, the army of mom bloggers and mainstream media will hammer you. But, dads were okay to ridicule.

Thankfully, we’re not just getting Al Bundy, Homer Simpson, and the like anymore. There have been recent GREAT ads by Volkswagen and Clorox in which dads were cool, competent, and smart. More will be coming. Hollywood will follow because Hollywood really has no moral compass other than profits. For that matter, neither does Madison Avenue. This is not meant to disparage these fine commercial institutions, but just to recognize that most of corporate America is morally neutral.

I also love the ironic choice of names for the stars of “Chimpanzee.” The baby boy chimp was named, Oscar. The adult male that adopts Oscar is Freddie and the evil rival chimp leader is Scar. I thought choosing Scar was a weak name choice, given that name was so effectively used in “The Lion King.”

Why is Oscar an ironic choice? Well, Oscar was one of the two lead character names in Neil Simon’s great play/movie/TV series, “The Odd Couple.” I loved Oscar in every incarnation of that great play and I love that the adorable and somewhat rascally baby chimp in “Chimpanzee” shares that name. I wonder if the filmmakers saw the parallel?

What was so encouraging about the portrayal of Freddie and Oscar’s burgeoning relationship was that it avoided the usual pitfalls of the dumb dad. Yes, they could only manipulate the story so much, but given the narration they had many opportunities to have made fun of Freddie and his parental choices, especially since he was an adoptive father.

The word, “Irony,” keeps coming to mind when I think about this loving portrayal of father and adopted son. How ironic that this big studio movie may be the first recent one that does this portrayal with such respect for the father’s role. In fact, the genders could have easily been reversed as there was little-to-no sexism portrayed in the movie. I love and so respect that.

Maybe we are finally moving to the right place in media’s discussion and depictions of parenting. It isn’t what’s between your legs that determine a good parent; it’s what’s between your ears and in your heart. I still assert that men and women inherently will approach parenting and, most things for that matter, in different ways. But, instead of making one right and the other wrong, let’s look for the good in both.

And, when we’re having fun at a parent’s expense – and there’s plenty of opportunity for humor – let’s choose the humor rather than the gender in how we portray dads and moms. I didn’t love the movie “Bridesmaids” because I don’t care for crude humor, but I did love that for once, it seemed, women were the butt of the jokes and portrayed as goofballs, too. The box office success of that movie only reinforces that that choice reached out to everyone without the need to focus negatively on one gender.

“Chimpanzee” is simply a remarkable movie. At the end of it, there are some short clips with the filmmakers, in which you get a taste of the hardships they endured over several years to capture the 120 minutes of this spectacular film. In ironic ways, they lived some of the hardships of being a parent. They endured the highs and lows parents experience, and watched and filmed an unfolding story in which they did not know the outcome. I can’t imagine enduring their journey but I am so grateful that they took it.

Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts.

What I Will Leave My Boys | A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan

Single Mothers Outreach is proud to share this guest post from Bruce Sallan. We find his topics relevant to single parents, regardless of gender.

The recent death of Steve Jobs was yet another stark reminder of the fragility of life. No matter how rich or famous you are, the grim reaper does not care. While I won’t admit how close in age Jobs and I are, I will admit that I fully recognize that my life could end any moment, though I pray it doesn’t. There is still too much to do, see, and too much work left to do.

But, as we never know, I’d like to leave some takeaways for my boys. Some call this sort of thing, “a living will.” Why do we only leave our loved ones our money and our things? Why not leave them something much more precious: our beliefs and whatever wisdom we may have learned on our journey of life?

So, herewith, are my takeaways for my two boys, who are now 15 and 18. They are full of life, full of promise, full of hormones and teenage cockiness. I hope I’m around to watch their journey, but just in case…

Tikkun Olam – Repair the World

Tikkun Olam is a Jewish phrase that literally means to “Repair the World.” I believe that it is our obligation as human beings to do whatever we can to make the world a better place. Boys, please do your part, too.

Fight For Meaning In Your Life

The Occupy Wall Street protests are an example of fighting for nothing. There are real fights to be fought. Please choose the battles that matter and stand up for what you know is right. Don’t just follow along because it looks like fun.

What Goes Around Comes Around

I love clichés. Why? Because clichés are mostly based on common sense and real life experience. While ultimate justice is not always clear on this earth, I sincerely do believe that one way or another whatever you do will come back to haunt you. So, be kind, be considerate, and don’t waste your energy on revenge or hate.

Always Open the Door

I don’t care what is Politically Correct; open the door for every woman you encounter. Treat the women in your life like they’re special. Pick up the tab, be a gentleman, be a man.

Your Word Is Your Bond

Say what you mean, mean what you say, and keep your word. Don’t make any promise that you don’t intend to keep.

Give and You Always Get

The more you give in life, the more you will receive. It’s amazing how this karma works. You’ve seen the beauty of my mentoring our friend with a fatal illness. You’ve also seen the length of my relationship with my by now 30-something “Little Sister,” who I became a Big Brother to when she was eight. Who can you help? Who can you mentor?

Don’t Take It Personally

The world does not revolve around you. Don’t take it all so personally. Most of the time, IT has nothing to do with you!

Sleep On It

Whenever you are upset, don’t respond in the moment. Whether a friend or a loved one has seemingly hurt you, or a job has reached the breaking point, sleep on it. Whatever you think you HAVE to do right now, you can still do tomorrow.

This Too Shall Pass

You’ve heard me say this numerous times. This too shall pass applies to both the good and the bad in your life. When things look dire, just give it some time and it will likely improve. When things are grand, reflect on that joy, enjoy it, and realize that the good times will also likely pass.

Words Hurt, Words Heal

Gossip is something that cannot be repaired. The words you use can heal or hurt. Choose them wisely. Like a leaf in the wind, a mean comment gets dispersed and is impossible to retrieve. Why put that negative energy out there?

Have Faith in God, Embrace Love

We are living in very secular times. Not believing in a greater good – God – means life has less meaning. Where do our values come from if not from God? Where does morality come from if not a higher power? Without God, life has less meaning and anything and any behavior can be justified. And, without love in your life, there is little joy. Embrace God, find love.

Gratitude IS the Key to Happiness

Dennis Prager wrote a wonderful book on happiness and his incredibly valuable lesson within it is that the key to happiness IS gratitude. Without gratitude there is little chance for happiness. Every morning when you arise, thank God for the blessing of a new day. Every day you feel well, thank God that you are healthy. Every meal you enjoy, appreciate.

Boys, you see me prance around the house singing Elvis songs and other nonsense. Laugh and enjoy life but also remember these reflections, because the real joy in life is not the fun you have, but the good will you create and the positive impact you will have on the world. I love you.

Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts.

A Dad’s Point-of-View | Habits, Routines, and Rituals

by Bruce Sallan

What are you fondest memories from your childhood? I suspect they are things that your family did that were ritualistic in nature. They may also have been the better family vacations. Family rituals are touchstones in your life and the lives of your children. Just as habits and routines become comforting, so do the rituals you establish in your family.

There are numerous examples of these sorts of rituals, often centered on holidays and religion, depending on whether your family is observant. During the just passed Christmas and New Year’s period, there are so many rituals we have all participated in and/or watched in movies and on television. The dropping of the ball in Times Square is one of them. Watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Miracle on 34th Street” may be another.

I believe the special rituals you create at home become the lasting memories for your family and, very likely, for subsequent generations of your family. For me, rituals are similar to the comfort Home Room was at school. Do they have Home Room anymore in school? When I attended Junior High School – now called Middle School – Home Room and my designated seat was a significant and calming ritual during those turbulent, significant, and scary years between childhood and the teen years.

Habits, on the other hand, just like the Home Room example, provide comfort and security. For me, enjoying the same breakfast most every day gives me a secure start to each day. I often like to joke that the only thing I control is what I eat for breakfast. We all have similar habits and routines that give us comfort and a false sense of security.

Which sock do you put on first? Which pant leg? Do you have a nightly routine around brushing your teeth? A showering/bathing routine? Does your family have certain evenings that you eat certain meals or go out to specific restaurants? What are your family birthday rituals? Family songs? The list is endless.

One of my fondest childhood memories – a ritual of sorts – was going to my maternal grandparent’s home every Friday evening. Since I wasn’t allowed to watch television on school nights, Friday evening was the first night of the week in which I could watch my favorite shows, such as “The Rifleman,” “Superman,” and my grandpa’s favorite, “Bonanza.”

My grandmother made the same meal every Friday and I loved it. We had fried chicken. I don’t remember the side dishes but vegetables weren’t much a part of my eating vocabulary during those years. And, she’d make one of two pies that I absolutely adored: cherry or lemon meringue. My grandfather had a big chair in which he’d watch television but on my visits, that special chair was mine. I was in heaven.

My immediate family memories and rituals mostly center on food, parties, and holidays. My mother made a deadly terrific noodle kugle. Since we all loved the crisp edges, she came up with the brilliant idea of making individual kugle in muffin pans, thus having the whole thing be crispy!

Two holidays stand out in my memory: Passover and Hannukah. We always went to my parent’s dear friend’s home for the first Seder on Passover. There, we saw all the other children as we were all growing up. The patriarch of that family happened to be the Cantor at our Temple. That was the good and bad news. The good news was that he knew his stuff. The bad news was that he had to do every single word of the Hagaddah (the Passover Seder book).

Hanukkah simply meant lighting the candles for eight nights and seeing my dad in the kitchen doing something other than eating. His job was grating the potatoes for the latkes. It was sort of the Jewish equivalent of the man being in charge of the BBQ. Hanukkah also meant negotiations. I could get eight small presents or seek one big one. I remember one year getting my first ten-speed Schwinn bicycle as my Hanukkah present.

Hanukkah, just like Father’s and Mother’s Day meant special trips to the department store with each parent to select a present for the other parent. With my dad, that was special time because we rarely did things alone. Just writing all this down brings back those joyful times to me and reinforces the importance of ritual in the family.

My own family rituals are too numerous to list but I will share my favorite and the one I fervently hope my boys perpetuate if they have families of their own. We eat family dinners together often, but Friday night’s dinner is always special. Friday night is Shabbat in Jewish homes and while we are not overly observant, we do carry on this simple tradition.

I make challah, the sweet traditional bread of Shabbat. I created my own cinnamon bread style of challah that my family adores, as do any guests that join us on Friday evenings. We say the four traditional blessings. But, our special family Shabbat ritual is going around the table with each person present – whether it be just our immediate family or guests – sharing the Best and the Worst thing that happened that week. Key provision, begun when the boys were young, is that only one “Worst” is allowed. There’s no limit on the “Bests.”

When the boys were young, they struggled with this ritual and we’d often remind them of the good things that had occurred during the week. As they grew older, this ritual has become a time of airing things on our minds, and sharing things that we might not otherwise have even thought to speak about. It’s special and it’s ours.

What are your family rituals?

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Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts

What We Got Here Is a Failure to Communicate

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan

I wonder who remembers that famous quote from the 1967 movie, “Cool Hand Luke,” improper use of English and all (it should be “have” rather than “got”)? That quote brings to mind the problems most parents face in communicating with their children, especially as their children enter their teen years when all of a sudden things dramatically change.  Many teens tend to think that their parents have all of a sudden become stupid, since most teens believe they have all of a sudden become experts in everything.

Being the dad to two teen boys, I’m having the joy of simultaneously dealing with this experience now, although in different ways, as my boys are distinct individuals.  It seems that I’m getting payback for all the angst I caused my parents during my own teens, times two, as I’m raising my own two boys. My late mother’s words come back to me and I smile to myself repeatedly these days as I go through what are most certainly quite typical experiences.

My older teen’s journey is less conflictive with me than with the world at large, as we’ve had the pleasure of dealing with just about every outside problem a teen boy can indulge in.  Rather than reveal too much of his personal life, I’ll leave that to your imagination. In taking a page from The Beatles; it’s been a “Magical Mystery Tour!”

He always is forthcoming about what is going on in his life, will talk to me openly, as well as wears his feelings on his sleeve, so it is easier to “read” him.  Also, his issues and problems, while often hard and frustrating, are at least relatively common and there are places, people, and solutions for them.  And, since he was a colicky baby, he’s never stopped talking to me.

My younger son is more introspective and keeps much more of his emotions to himself.  Consequently, it has and is harder to know what he’s feeling and what is going on. He is the “achiever” with good grades, manners, and behavior as far as doing chores and such.  But, things will simmer beneath the surface and I have not been able to “read” him as well as I have his older brother.

Since he’s entered his teens, his behavior towards me has changed in subtler forms of verbal enmity, challenges, and minor rebellion.  I say “white,” he says “black.”  I say, “Would you please take the garbage out?” to which he says either, “Why?” or “Later,” clearly in a provocative, challenging manner.

Is this unusual for a teen?  Of course not.  Is it respectful towards his dad?  Of course not.  What should I do about it?  I’ve been struggling with this.  My first response is, of course, the mature one of a layman parenting “expert.” I yell at him and threaten all sorts of medieval punishments, none of which I follow through with, so my credibility disappears.

Later, I try to reason with him.  Talk to him “man to man.”  Oh yeah, that’ll work.  I next try the truly brave course, and beg my wife, his step-mom, whom he worships, to step in.  She tries, but nothing changes whatsoever.  I don’t think she tries very hard, frankly, because I think she actually sides with him.

But, as we all know and as I espouse so very eloquently and immodestly, in one of my first columns, it’s quantity time that results in the best parenting opportunities.

Consequently, I arranged to spend the whole day, alone with him, doing things he wanted to do, going to his favorite restaurant for lunch, seeing a movie he wanted to see, getting new art supplies for his cartoon work, and more.  While at lunch, he actually asked me some hard questions about his mom, whom he hasn’t seen or talked with in several years, this being one of those topics he has avoided talking about.  I answered every question honestly and openly.

We start really talking.  We don’t talk about our communication issues.  But, we talk.  A barrier has been broken.  I can feel it; he can feel it.  I realize that I must practice what I preach and spend more alone time with him.  He’s harder for me because he’s less like me; he’s less forthcoming verbally, so he therefore needs more of my time.  That day was a great reminder of this.

We are going on a ski trip together soon, just the two of us, and we will talk more.  I will let him control the music we listen to–I will suffer for that–but I will get closer to him and that is my goal. I can listen to Elvis anytime, but I can only get closer to my son by spending time with him on his terms.  That is being the best dad I can be and that is my goal and that is how we communicate with our teens.

Postscript: two things have since occurred. First, I finally started parenting my younger son with rules and consequences so that when he talks back or defies me I hit him where it counts. I dock his allowance.  He’s pouted, he’s not talked to me, but it’s working.  Second, we went on that ski trip and we laughed together more than we had in the previous six months.  It was a classic example of quantity time.  We collaborated on a project together and it was just perfect.  I’m proud of both us.

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara, on Sundays at 7:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. on NewsTalk 1420 WHK in Cleveland, Ohio, or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web site: http://www.brucesallan.com. Bruce created and launched a website for those who would like Tech help, called BoomerTechTalk (http://www.BoomerTechTalk.com).  Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 100 newspapers and web sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

A single parent’s story….

This is a touching story written by a single dad. -Single Mothers Outreach

By macgyver426 on Sat, 03/04/2010 – 3:22pm

Four years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. ‘Coz that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mom for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftover, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the ‘problem’… a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bed sheet and blanket!

Boy was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

“Dad, I was hungry and there wasn’t anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet; hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you ‘coz I was playing with my toys…I am sorry Dad…”

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks…but I didn’t want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son’s room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mommy.

A year has passed since the episode; I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son’s absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn’t to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, ‘I am sorry, Dad’. But after much probing, I realized that it was a ‘Talent Show’ organized by his school and the invite is for every student’s mommy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mommy…..

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practice his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. ‘Coz he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It’s winter and it’s Christmas time. Everywhere the Christmas spirit is in every passer-by…Christmas carols and frantic shoppers….but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day’s work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn’t help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, “I’m sorry, Dad” and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was: The letters were for Mommy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: “But why did you post so many letters, at one time?” My son’s reply was: “I have been writing to mommy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once…”

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say….

I told my son, “Son, mommy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mommy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldn’t help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart….

Dear Mommy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a ‘Talent Show’ in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn’t help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mommy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mommy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mommy, why haven’t you appeared?

After reading the letter, I can’t stop sobbing. ‘Coz I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife….

Read more: http://www.qatarliving.com/node/981235#ixzz1Al90hA6C

Ten Ideas From the First Hundred

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan

I find it hard to believe but this is my one hundredth “A Dad’s Point-of-View” column. How best to celebrate this milestone? I’d like to look back at the previous 99 and choose ten strong ideas among them and briefly share them with you, by giving the title of the column and a short summary of what may be the little pearl of wisdom that came out of the 800 plus words contained within it.

1. There’s No Such Thing as Quality Time.

I learned early on in my parenting that the often-quoted notion of “Quality Time” was bunk. The only thing that matters to our children is “Quantity Time” since the only time they will open up is when they are good and ready. You can’t schedule time with your children the way you might with a business appointment and the moments that will surprise you the most are when you least expect it. There is no such thing as quality time, only quantity time.

2. Gratitude

About five years ago, I survived a car crash that should have left me dead or worse. A man I greatly respect, Dennis Prager, has often said that the single most important ingredient to happiness is gratitude. That accident reinforced, very dramatically, his words to me. Too often we are living our lives waiting for that something we think will make us happy rather than counting the blessings right in front of us.

3. My Kids Aren’t Me, in Spite of Sharing the Same DNA

I learned a valuable lesson about parenting before I became a parent, when I was a Big Brother to a little girl. We shared nothing in common. I learned to bond with her in spite of our differences and found that experience to be the best prep course for parenting my own two boys, who also turned out to not fully share my interests. Too many parents think that just because their children share their DNA (which of course is not the case in adoption) that their children should share their same interests. All this does is set a pattern of hurt and disappointment for both child and parent. Don’t do this. Support what your child is interested in rather than push him or her to do what you want them to do.

4. Words That Hurt, Words That Heal

The power of words can be as harmful as the power of a fist. With the advent of modern technology, we’ve seen the damage that a simple text can do to a middle school child when something hurtful is spread around about him or her. And, like a leaf blown in the wind, it can’t be retrieved. It is incumbent upon us as parents to teach our children to watch what we say, what we write, and what we text and to model good behavior in this regard and not gossip and not disparage others with casual disregard.

5. Best Friend or Best Parent

The job of being a parent is not being our children’s best friend, yet too many parents confuse the two and try to be their children’s buddy. To achieve this buddy status, they forego being their best parent. That may mean not being strict, not holding high standards, or relaxing them when their children pout or throw a tantrum. Being the best parent you can be may sometimes mean your son or daughter doesn’t like you at a given moment. So what. Being liked isn’t your job. Being their best dad or mom is!

6. Do Women Need Men?

A popular feminist slogan of the 1960’s and 1970’s went something like: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” “We’ve come a long way, baby” is another slogan, I believe, from a cigarette that was marketed to women during the same general era. More bunk. Women need men just as much as men need women. It was foolish to think otherwise back in the hippie days and it’s foolish to think so now. The fact that women now can earn as much and can do what men can do just levels the playing field but doesn’t change our inherent natures.

7. A Story of Giving

One of the blessings of my writing and radio show is meeting people from all over the world. I met a group of children from a girl’s school in Ghana, Africa, through my “A Dad’s Point-of-View” Facebook page. My family began sending them books and soon my readers and radio show listeners were also sending them books, toys, and other things. We all learned the blessings of giving and charity and how when we give, we get so much more than we ever could expect.

8. There Are No Perfect Friends

My mother taught me this basic lesson and I kept on forgetting it as I kept on wanting my friends to be perfect. Just like me. Ha! I also saw how my own boys got into spats with their friends over silly and unrealistic expectations of their friends. My mom always said that if you wanted perfect friends you wouldn’t have any.

9. The Family Dinner

I read somewhere that the children from families that share meals together suffer fewer problems than those that don’t. The family dinner is essential glue for my family and something that belongs as a ritual in every family. As our children grow older and their friendships and extracurricular activities intrude more and more upon their lives, it is easier to allow the family dinner to drift away. We parents must insist on having a family dinner at least once a week, period.

10. Walk a Mile in My Shoes

Empathy is a simple but very important word. How often do we pass a homeless person without a thought or glance? Or hear a friend’s problem and promptly forget about it? Until you really do as the song says and walk a mile in someone’s shoes, you can’t really know what he or she may be going through. Too often we are caught up in our own problems, big or small, to pay attention to someone else’s problems, which I suggest, are usually bigger than ours. A little reflection upon someone else is a good thing to do now and then. It is good for your soul. I hope these short reflections from these columns give you some pause to consider the blessings in your lives, maybe to think what you might do to help a friend or neighbor, or to simply hug a loved one and offer a kind word or thought. For me, it’s on to the next hundred.

Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://www.brucesallan.com. Bruce created and launched a new website for those who would like Tech help, called BoomerTechTalk (http://www.BoomerTechTalk.com). Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 100 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.

Single Dads are more than Part-time Parents

Cathy’s Divorce Support Blog
By Cathy Meyer, Divorce Support Guide

Many single fathers identify themselves as a part-time parent whose major purpose is to pay child support. Many slowly back away from the struggle to feel important, as many times, as the non-custodial parent, their importance is often not recognized. Men need to recognize they are important and realize that there is no one who can replace them, so they can grow a closer relationship with their children after they move from the children’s home. Read more…

A Dad’s Point-of-View — R E S P E C T, Find Out What It Means to Me | Single Parents Town: Helping Single Parents Succeed

Loved this post written by a single dad.

A Dad’s Point-of-View — R E S P E C T, Find Out What It Means to Me | Single Parents Town: Helping Single Parents Succeed.

Give Yourself Some Credit by Bill McLeod | Single Parents Town: Helping Single Parents Succeed

Great article by single dad, Bill McLeod.

Give Yourself Some Credit by Bill McLeod | Single Parents Town: Helping Single Parents Succeed.

HEY, SINGLE DADS! WE LOVE YOU TOO!

Yes, the SMO blog is extremely woman heavy,  for obvious reason…(organization title and mission…see our about page)

STILL…

Single Mothers Outreach serves SINGLE PARENTS.

We know that single parent homes aren’t always headed up by a woman. Men are also playing the roles of Mommy and Daddy.  This site is for you too, Dads–though it may not seem like it at first.  And in case thin get a little too, well…”girly”…for your tastes, we’ve found some amazing single dad websites for you to visit. Just don’t forget about us

http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/

http://www.singleparentsuccessfuldad.com/blog/

http://www.singledadstown.com/