An Ironic Father-Son Story #IRL | A Dad’s Point-of-View by Bruce Sallan

I’ve often dissed Hollywood and Madison Avenue for their depictions of dads, and men in general, for that matter. It is still not optimal, but it is changing for the better. How surprising to me that the best current portrayal of a father-son relationship came in a documentary about chimpanzees!

Yes, the DisneyNature movie, “Chimpanzee,” does their usual Disney formula of killing off a parent. But, this time it’s mom and this time dad steps up. Not reluctantly, but with pride and purpose. And, this time it was real and not a writer’s choice.

I loved the movie. I loved how they captured the family structure, world, and highs and lows of life in the rain forest. And, no they did not choose the story – the story chose them. It was indeed #IRL – In Real Life to use a common acronym that is bandied about.

Dad bloggers and other cultural pundits have correctly observed that Hollywood tends to portray dads in a doltish fashion. Somewhere along the way, maybe with the evolution of the PC Police, dads became the butt of jokes. If you touch a woman or a mom, the army of mom bloggers and mainstream media will hammer you. But, dads were okay to ridicule.

Thankfully, we’re not just getting Al Bundy, Homer Simpson, and the like anymore. There have been recent GREAT ads by Volkswagen and Clorox in which dads were cool, competent, and smart. More will be coming. Hollywood will follow because Hollywood really has no moral compass other than profits. For that matter, neither does Madison Avenue. This is not meant to disparage these fine commercial institutions, but just to recognize that most of corporate America is morally neutral.

I also love the ironic choice of names for the stars of “Chimpanzee.” The baby boy chimp was named, Oscar. The adult male that adopts Oscar is Freddie and the evil rival chimp leader is Scar. I thought choosing Scar was a weak name choice, given that name was so effectively used in “The Lion King.”

Why is Oscar an ironic choice? Well, Oscar was one of the two lead character names in Neil Simon’s great play/movie/TV series, “The Odd Couple.” I loved Oscar in every incarnation of that great play and I love that the adorable and somewhat rascally baby chimp in “Chimpanzee” shares that name. I wonder if the filmmakers saw the parallel?

What was so encouraging about the portrayal of Freddie and Oscar’s burgeoning relationship was that it avoided the usual pitfalls of the dumb dad. Yes, they could only manipulate the story so much, but given the narration they had many opportunities to have made fun of Freddie and his parental choices, especially since he was an adoptive father.

The word, “Irony,” keeps coming to mind when I think about this loving portrayal of father and adopted son. How ironic that this big studio movie may be the first recent one that does this portrayal with such respect for the father’s role. In fact, the genders could have easily been reversed as there was little-to-no sexism portrayed in the movie. I love and so respect that.

Maybe we are finally moving to the right place in media’s discussion and depictions of parenting. It isn’t what’s between your legs that determine a good parent; it’s what’s between your ears and in your heart. I still assert that men and women inherently will approach parenting and, most things for that matter, in different ways. But, instead of making one right and the other wrong, let’s look for the good in both.

And, when we’re having fun at a parent’s expense – and there’s plenty of opportunity for humor – let’s choose the humor rather than the gender in how we portray dads and moms. I didn’t love the movie “Bridesmaids” because I don’t care for crude humor, but I did love that for once, it seemed, women were the butt of the jokes and portrayed as goofballs, too. The box office success of that movie only reinforces that that choice reached out to everyone without the need to focus negatively on one gender.

“Chimpanzee” is simply a remarkable movie. At the end of it, there are some short clips with the filmmakers, in which you get a taste of the hardships they endured over several years to capture the 120 minutes of this spectacular film. In ironic ways, they lived some of the hardships of being a parent. They endured the highs and lows parents experience, and watched and filmed an unfolding story in which they did not know the outcome. I can’t imagine enduring their journey but I am so grateful that they took it.

Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts.

What I Will Leave My Boys | A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan

Single Mothers Outreach is proud to share this guest post from Bruce Sallan. We find his topics relevant to single parents, regardless of gender.

The recent death of Steve Jobs was yet another stark reminder of the fragility of life. No matter how rich or famous you are, the grim reaper does not care. While I won’t admit how close in age Jobs and I are, I will admit that I fully recognize that my life could end any moment, though I pray it doesn’t. There is still too much to do, see, and too much work left to do.

But, as we never know, I’d like to leave some takeaways for my boys. Some call this sort of thing, “a living will.” Why do we only leave our loved ones our money and our things? Why not leave them something much more precious: our beliefs and whatever wisdom we may have learned on our journey of life?

So, herewith, are my takeaways for my two boys, who are now 15 and 18. They are full of life, full of promise, full of hormones and teenage cockiness. I hope I’m around to watch their journey, but just in case…

Tikkun Olam – Repair the World

Tikkun Olam is a Jewish phrase that literally means to “Repair the World.” I believe that it is our obligation as human beings to do whatever we can to make the world a better place. Boys, please do your part, too.

Fight For Meaning In Your Life

The Occupy Wall Street protests are an example of fighting for nothing. There are real fights to be fought. Please choose the battles that matter and stand up for what you know is right. Don’t just follow along because it looks like fun.

What Goes Around Comes Around

I love clichés. Why? Because clichés are mostly based on common sense and real life experience. While ultimate justice is not always clear on this earth, I sincerely do believe that one way or another whatever you do will come back to haunt you. So, be kind, be considerate, and don’t waste your energy on revenge or hate.

Always Open the Door

I don’t care what is Politically Correct; open the door for every woman you encounter. Treat the women in your life like they’re special. Pick up the tab, be a gentleman, be a man.

Your Word Is Your Bond

Say what you mean, mean what you say, and keep your word. Don’t make any promise that you don’t intend to keep.

Give and You Always Get

The more you give in life, the more you will receive. It’s amazing how this karma works. You’ve seen the beauty of my mentoring our friend with a fatal illness. You’ve also seen the length of my relationship with my by now 30-something “Little Sister,” who I became a Big Brother to when she was eight. Who can you help? Who can you mentor?

Don’t Take It Personally

The world does not revolve around you. Don’t take it all so personally. Most of the time, IT has nothing to do with you!

Sleep On It

Whenever you are upset, don’t respond in the moment. Whether a friend or a loved one has seemingly hurt you, or a job has reached the breaking point, sleep on it. Whatever you think you HAVE to do right now, you can still do tomorrow.

This Too Shall Pass

You’ve heard me say this numerous times. This too shall pass applies to both the good and the bad in your life. When things look dire, just give it some time and it will likely improve. When things are grand, reflect on that joy, enjoy it, and realize that the good times will also likely pass.

Words Hurt, Words Heal

Gossip is something that cannot be repaired. The words you use can heal or hurt. Choose them wisely. Like a leaf in the wind, a mean comment gets dispersed and is impossible to retrieve. Why put that negative energy out there?

Have Faith in God, Embrace Love

We are living in very secular times. Not believing in a greater good – God – means life has less meaning. Where do our values come from if not from God? Where does morality come from if not a higher power? Without God, life has less meaning and anything and any behavior can be justified. And, without love in your life, there is little joy. Embrace God, find love.

Gratitude IS the Key to Happiness

Dennis Prager wrote a wonderful book on happiness and his incredibly valuable lesson within it is that the key to happiness IS gratitude. Without gratitude there is little chance for happiness. Every morning when you arise, thank God for the blessing of a new day. Every day you feel well, thank God that you are healthy. Every meal you enjoy, appreciate.

Boys, you see me prance around the house singing Elvis songs and other nonsense. Laugh and enjoy life but also remember these reflections, because the real joy in life is not the fun you have, but the good will you create and the positive impact you will have on the world. I love you.

Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts.

Life After Him | A Single Parent Story

By Jill Kola-Ines

“Honey, can you…”, oh yeah, you’re gone. No matter. I can figure this out myself. Let’s see, I plug this in there and this part in here and load this in there. Okay, now what? No, I don’t want to burn the cd, just download it. How can I save it? Oh bother. Okay, call Fisher Price. Oh, I want to RIP the cd! Who knew?!

There’s so much to learn.

He used to take care of all the electronics, light bulbs, car stuff, etc. Well, there are other people’s husbands, my dad, and people to hire to fix stuff or I’ll just have to do it myself.

It’s been a very empowering journey.

Who knew I could work, make dinner, check homework, do bath, and read AND get her to bed all by myself?  When he was working that second job I got some practice at it. But that’s where he met “her”. Oh whatever, better things are on the way. I’m still attractive. Okay, I’m 100 lbs overweight, but still prettier than her.

I will NOT rebound this time. I will wait patiently for Mr. Right. God will bring him when I’m ready (it gives me more time to work on me.) This rollercoaster has some hard turns and drops, but it’s a helluva ride. Things I didn’t think I could do, I’m doing, things like budgeting and doing all the bills myself… again (it’s been 20 years since I’ve done that.)

I don’t give myself enough credit. You get so used to counting on someone else to take care of things, you forget you could do it yourself. Some days, like tonight though, I wish I could run away.

Thank God for my mother. She diffuses the situation and says all the right things. She’s been my rock. I used to call her five times a day when he first said it was over. Now I’m down to one or two. Ok, maybe three sometimes, but we’re on the same page.

Some people just don’t get it. They want to help you but don’t know how. They say typical things like, “well there’s other fish in the sea,” or “would you really want him back after what he’s done?” I never thought I would (want him back), but when it happens to you it’s different. I put in so much effort, and he was my best friend and my baby’s dad. It was supposed to be forever. Now what?

Well you start taking classes. I went to church and took Divorce Care. Then I sent my daughter. I’m not totally over this but I’m getting through it one day at a time, one holiday at a time, one email at a time.

It doesn’t hurt as much anymore and sometimes when I remember the bad stuff I’m relieved I’m not in that relationship anymore.

Jill Kola-Ines is a single parent at Single Mothers Outreach in Santa Clarita, CA. 

Read more about Jill here.

Financial Recovery for Women, Single Moms | COC Women’s Conference

I am excited to announce that Single Mothers Outreach parent Lori O’Brien will be a guest speaker at this Saturday’s Women’s Conference at College of the Canyons. Her topic: financial empowerment.

She writes, “I have lived in SCV for 15 yrs and I’ve been a single mom for 10 of those years. Every one of us has at one time or another been so worried and anxious about our financial situations that we’ve lost sleep, experienced physical symptoms such as digestive issues, random aches and pains, etc., that anxiety over financial matters creates, and it robs us of the joy of living and time with our children.”

Lori is a graduate of Single Mothers Outreach’s successful financial literacy program. Nationally syndicated radio/TV talk show host, Dave Ramsey teaches the program on DVD and small group discussion follows. If participants work the program, they will see positive financial results.  In taking the class in the Fall 2010, she has paid off $4000 in debt and has put $1000 in an emergency fund, which gives her some peace while she is paying off debt.

“With implementing some of the principles and methods I’ve learned, I’ve learned how to stand on my own two feet and provide for my family.” Lori remarked.

Lori will be sharing highlights of the program and taking sign ups for those interested in going through the program this Saturday, March 17, 2012 at the College of the Canyons Women’s Conference. Tickets are $15.00 and can be purchased here.

Along the Way with Michelle Tall | “Motivation”

Michelle Tall is a member of Single Mothers Outreach in Santa Clarita, CA. View her bio here.

I think motivation can come in waves. I think you can be pushed into the desire to succeed just as often as you naturally feel the drive to overcome.

Motivation can stem from harsh circumstances, experiences that brutally back you into a corner. Or it can come from inspiration to aspire to something more, something bigger than yourself.

And so which one pushes you forward just that much further? Which one makes you stronger and maybe a little more wiser?

Maybe the answer is both. But right now, in this moment of my life, I am coming back from being beaten down.

When you find yourself in a place you never thought you would be, broken and bruised, hurting and wounded, you wonder how you let it happen. At what point did you allow another person to believe that it was okay to treat you so poorly? When did everything go from fun and comfortable to a disastrously unrecognizable life?

And so when I finally opened my eyes and saw myself crouched into the furthest corner of a room that was caving in on me, I looked up and saw an innocent child with unconditional love just waiting to be wrapped in his mother’s arms.

“At the moment of surrender,

Of vision over visibility.”

–U2, “Moment of Surrender”

That was the day I kicked and clawed and crawled and climbed my way out of that corner, taking my little boy’s hand in mine, intent on setting out to create our own happily ever after. I began to heal when I focused on my son’s beautiful smile.

Motivation came to me from living in the dark to promising my child a life of living in the light. I stumble and fall down every now and then, but I haven’t let go of his hand and I never will. Not ever again will I allow anything or anyone to break this mother’s connection to the joy of her child that she carries with her everyday within her heart.

And this motivation grows stronger and brighter as it changes into inspiration. An inspiration that pushes me higher and higher to places more bright and glorious than I ever dreamed possible.

Motivation changed my life and I can recognize it now more than I did before. And I embrace it and ride it through the journey of motherhood with my child by my side.

A Dad’s Point-of-View | Habits, Routines, and Rituals

by Bruce Sallan

What are you fondest memories from your childhood? I suspect they are things that your family did that were ritualistic in nature. They may also have been the better family vacations. Family rituals are touchstones in your life and the lives of your children. Just as habits and routines become comforting, so do the rituals you establish in your family.

There are numerous examples of these sorts of rituals, often centered on holidays and religion, depending on whether your family is observant. During the just passed Christmas and New Year’s period, there are so many rituals we have all participated in and/or watched in movies and on television. The dropping of the ball in Times Square is one of them. Watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Miracle on 34th Street” may be another.

I believe the special rituals you create at home become the lasting memories for your family and, very likely, for subsequent generations of your family. For me, rituals are similar to the comfort Home Room was at school. Do they have Home Room anymore in school? When I attended Junior High School – now called Middle School – Home Room and my designated seat was a significant and calming ritual during those turbulent, significant, and scary years between childhood and the teen years.

Habits, on the other hand, just like the Home Room example, provide comfort and security. For me, enjoying the same breakfast most every day gives me a secure start to each day. I often like to joke that the only thing I control is what I eat for breakfast. We all have similar habits and routines that give us comfort and a false sense of security.

Which sock do you put on first? Which pant leg? Do you have a nightly routine around brushing your teeth? A showering/bathing routine? Does your family have certain evenings that you eat certain meals or go out to specific restaurants? What are your family birthday rituals? Family songs? The list is endless.

One of my fondest childhood memories – a ritual of sorts – was going to my maternal grandparent’s home every Friday evening. Since I wasn’t allowed to watch television on school nights, Friday evening was the first night of the week in which I could watch my favorite shows, such as “The Rifleman,” “Superman,” and my grandpa’s favorite, “Bonanza.”

My grandmother made the same meal every Friday and I loved it. We had fried chicken. I don’t remember the side dishes but vegetables weren’t much a part of my eating vocabulary during those years. And, she’d make one of two pies that I absolutely adored: cherry or lemon meringue. My grandfather had a big chair in which he’d watch television but on my visits, that special chair was mine. I was in heaven.

My immediate family memories and rituals mostly center on food, parties, and holidays. My mother made a deadly terrific noodle kugle. Since we all loved the crisp edges, she came up with the brilliant idea of making individual kugle in muffin pans, thus having the whole thing be crispy!

Two holidays stand out in my memory: Passover and Hannukah. We always went to my parent’s dear friend’s home for the first Seder on Passover. There, we saw all the other children as we were all growing up. The patriarch of that family happened to be the Cantor at our Temple. That was the good and bad news. The good news was that he knew his stuff. The bad news was that he had to do every single word of the Hagaddah (the Passover Seder book).

Hanukkah simply meant lighting the candles for eight nights and seeing my dad in the kitchen doing something other than eating. His job was grating the potatoes for the latkes. It was sort of the Jewish equivalent of the man being in charge of the BBQ. Hanukkah also meant negotiations. I could get eight small presents or seek one big one. I remember one year getting my first ten-speed Schwinn bicycle as my Hanukkah present.

Hanukkah, just like Father’s and Mother’s Day meant special trips to the department store with each parent to select a present for the other parent. With my dad, that was special time because we rarely did things alone. Just writing all this down brings back those joyful times to me and reinforces the importance of ritual in the family.

My own family rituals are too numerous to list but I will share my favorite and the one I fervently hope my boys perpetuate if they have families of their own. We eat family dinners together often, but Friday night’s dinner is always special. Friday night is Shabbat in Jewish homes and while we are not overly observant, we do carry on this simple tradition.

I make challah, the sweet traditional bread of Shabbat. I created my own cinnamon bread style of challah that my family adores, as do any guests that join us on Friday evenings. We say the four traditional blessings. But, our special family Shabbat ritual is going around the table with each person present – whether it be just our immediate family or guests – sharing the Best and the Worst thing that happened that week. Key provision, begun when the boys were young, is that only one “Worst” is allowed. There’s no limit on the “Bests.”

When the boys were young, they struggled with this ritual and we’d often remind them of the good things that had occurred during the week. As they grew older, this ritual has become a time of airing things on our minds, and sharing things that we might not otherwise have even thought to speak about. It’s special and it’s ours.

What are your family rituals?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts

The Next Chapter | A Single Mom Story

Natalie Lessard is a single parent at Single Mothers Outreach, located in Santa Clarita, California. You may learn more about her here.

by Natalie Lessard

"Cinderella's Broken Glass Slipper" by Cafe de Duy

Once upon a time I was a beautiful princess who was very much in love with a handsome prince.  We were going to live happily ever after.  After a 13 year marriage, I am now a single mom of three boys, 15, 12 and 7. I have been single for six years, and it’s unbelievable to me how far I have come!

I’m the first to admit, things aren’t always easy. Yes, I get frustrated. Yes, the burden gets heavy at times. But having been through all of this, I have learned that my attitude and perspective play a huge part in my success.  I have learned to simplify my life and how to ask for help, though I learned it the hard way.

For example, I was married to a Mr. Fix-It.  He took care of everything that needed to be done around the house. Shortly after the divorce, I was in for a rude awakening.  One time there was a clogged toilet that was not going to get fixed, unless I did it!  Please understand, I’m not a prissy girl, but I mean COME ON!! Unclog a toilet?!?  This was a SERIOUS clog. We are not talking about plunging it a few times, and “voilà.” Oh, no! This clog was a “call the plumber” type! The only problem was that I was low on money. I was renting from a private landlord at the time. Our agreement was such that if anything broke, I took care of it and deducted it from the rent. So it was ”face the cold hard truth” time.  It was up to ME to fix it.

Photo courtesy of diynetwork.com

After pulling my hair back and donning my grubby sweat pants and old t-shirt, I grabbed a bucket and rubber gloves.  I had every intention of winning this war. The soup ladle was sacrificed as I starting bailing out the water. You see, Mr. Fix-it took his tools with him, so I had to make do with what I had.  Little by little, scoop by scoop, I finally cleared enough water to see the blockage.  It was small, blue, and looked somewhat like a toy skateboard.  After pulling, tugging, yanking and pushing, I determined this thing was NOT going to budge. Things were not going my way! I started crying, “Why me? I can’t do this! I never asked for this!!” I was a sight to behold, boo-hooing on the floor next to a backed up toilet.  This was not one of my best moments.  Looking back, I just have to laugh at myself.

Finally, I called my dad, who lived out-of-state.  He explained to me how I needed to pull the toilet off of the floor, clear the clog and re-seal it! So I took notes, gathered myself and made a trip to Home Depot. I did exactly what I was told, and guess what? I did it! I fixed the toilet!! The toy skateboard causing the problem was gone. Not only did I save money on an expensive plumber, but I rose to the challenge before me. I educated myself and accomplished my goal.

It was after this incident that I had come to the realization that I am the one who takes care of everything: the kids, the house, the car, the bills, everything.  It’s me. The “it” girl. I no longer “share” responsibilities. Therefore, I need to pick my battles.  I moved from that townhome, into an apartment with an on-call maintenance person. I now have a support system in place. There are people I can call who will help me with car maintenance or whatever my need may be. I am not alone.

Yes I can!

There is life after divorce. I am a strong, intelligent woman who can take care of herself and three boys. See, my “once upon a time” story isn’t over, I have simply turned the page to the next chapter, and it is an adventurous one!

What the Heck?! | Laughter for the Soul

Melanie Lightbourn-Rowe is a member of  Single Mothers Outreach. She has her own blog, Laughter for the Soul.

Posted on October 21, 2011 by laughterforthesoul

Children should have fathers; I get that. The reality of my situation is that of a single parent, and I have embraced it for all it is worth. My oldest son, however, has not. Consistently, he has beckoned for me to take a look at a photo of a good-looking man, point out a possible candidate at a park, (forgetting that all men there are complete strangers,) and simply making suggestions for me to go out on a date. He has no idea that by Friday, the only date I want to have is with my pillow and DVR shows I have missed for the week.

Life often throws us curve balls, and some people end up in places where they never expected. I have taught for over twenty years, and while quite a number of my former students have done exceptionally well for themselves (some making twice my salary), others fell into unfortunate circumstances that have landed them behind bars for a while. I connected with one such student recently and was happy to know that he was alive and doing well. I expressed an interest in making a visit to see him one day to which a reply was sent a few weeks later. The letter remained opened on my kitchen counter, and I walked away, forgetting that its contents were exposed.

The letter included a lovely photo, but outlined specifics that the prison system would not allow. No wires on bras, no jeans, a recommendation of dollar bills and coins for the concession stands and visiting hours were specified. My eldest was in the kitchen making a snack while my nose remained buried in a stack of books I was studying. A few moments later, I heard a loud scream.

“MOM!” He hollered at the top of his lungs.

“WHAT!” I hollered back just as loudly.

“MOMMY!” His assumption was that I must not have heard him the first time since I did not come racing down the stairs to answer him.

“WHAT IS IT?” I screamed again, hoping that he would get a clue that I was not moving and he would want to make his way up the stairs to express his concern.

I heard footsteps bounding up the steps, and a very heated child stood at the foot of my bed, a letter hanging at the side of his body. He threw me a perplexed look and shoved the paper in my face.

“Uhh, mom!” I saw the paper clearly. “You’re getting our new dad from a PRISON?!?!”

It took everything in my being not to burst into laughter in front of my child. He was serious as a heart attack, and I feared he would have one if I went along with it and told him, “Yes.”

“Oh NO, baby!” I chuckled. “That is a student of mine from a long time ago!”

“You’re marrying your STUDENT?!?!?” He was done.

“NOOOO!!!” I replied. “He is in jail honey, and I am going to see him.”

“And why would you do that?” He asked.

“Because I want to check on him to see how he is doing.” Silence. More silence. Wait for it…

“Well,” he said. “Just don’t tell him where we live!”

He was innocent in his assumptions, but serious with his intent. He left the paper on my bed and walked away, still a bit exasperated.

If I decide to ever get married again, I am certain that it will be a grueling experience for my new mate. As long as he is not a cell mate, I think he will do well!

Laugh, people. It’s good for the soul!

Great Business Advice from Someone Who Knows

Great business advice from someone who knows: Dave Ramsey

Over the years, I’ve been honored to hang out with some of our country’s top business leaders. And that’s no accident. I’ve always believed that if you want to win at something, you’ve got to find some people who are already winning at it and learn everything you possibly can from them.

Out of all of the men and women I’ve met, there is one person whose words touched my heart and have stayed with me to this day. This incredibly successful billionaire didn’t quote any philosophy or fancy financial formulas when I asked for his secret to success. Instead, he just gave me one simple rule to live by: Be generous in business, at home and in the marketplace. Why? Because successful people are generous people, and generous people become the most successful people.

As the holiday season gets into full swing, remember his words. Don’t have the heart of a grinch. Celebrate Christmas wholeheartedly with your family, your team and your customers. Give what you can, when you can—as God leads you. And here’s an idea: Try doing that the rest of the year too. It’s a blast!

A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan | Tikkun Olam Encouragement for Single Parents

Single Mothers Outreach helps move single parent families forward. We loved this piece written by former single dad, Bruce Sallan. Enjoy!

Three Wooden Crosses

I have the joy of living across the street from a beautiful man-made lake. There is always roving fowl and other wildlife in and around the lake and it’s an ideal location for an early morning walk. Often, I listen to music and often I am inspired by ideas along the way. On recently hearing the Randy Travis song, Three Wooden Crosses, I had to write a seasonal column based on its message.

The first time I heard Three Wooden Crosses was at a Randy Travis concert just a few short years ago. The lyrics captivated me and it’s become a favorite song of mine ever since. Country music often tells stories that have heartwarming messages. I’m a sap for that stuff and I love it. And, the holiday season just magnifies those emotions for most of us.

Let’s take a look at the first words of this song, which begin telling the story:

A farmer and a teacher, a hooker and a preacher,
Ridin’ on a midnight bus bound for Mexico.
One’s headed for vacation, one for higher education,
An’ two of them were searchin’ for lost souls.
That driver never ever saw the stop sign.
An’ eighteen-wheelers can’t stop on a dime.

In a few short lines, we are on high alert that a tragedy is coming. We’ve met the characters and we’re hooked. Who will die? Who will survive? What lesson will we be told?

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there’s not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It’s what you leave behind you when you go.

Ah! One person survives. Who is it? We don’t know yet. But, the chorus has revealed the heart of this song’s message and the part that GOT me, “it’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you, it’s what you leave behind you when you go.”

Those of you that follow the A Dad’s Point-of-View Facebook Page know that every Sunday is #FaithSunday in which I ask the same question, “What are you doing to repair the world?” I then share a link to something that I hope is inspiring.

That expression about repairing the world comes from the biblical expression, “Tikkun Olam,” which literally means to repair the world and is expressed in the Bible as an obligation of our lives. When I began my second career as a writer, my first goal was to make a difference (in the lives of parents). So, this song and its message resonate very strongly with me.

No one on their deathbed wishes they’d worked more! No one on their deathbed wishes they’d had more possessions. No one on their deathbed wishes they’d had more fun. Mostly, we wish we’d spent more time with and touched our loved ones. And, mostly we hoped that our lives had some value and that the world was a better place for our having been here.

The song continues,

That farmer left a harvest, a home and eighty acres,
The faith an’ love for growin’ things in his young son’s heart.
An’ that teacher left her wisdom in the minds of lots of children:
Did her best to give ‘em all a better start.
An’ that preacher whispered: “Can’t you see the Promised Land?”
As he laid his bloodstained bible in that hooker’s hand.

Again, the song reels us in and we think that the hooker has died holding the preacher’s Bible. But, like every good country song, there’s a surprise a-comin’.

That’s the story that our preacher told last Sunday.
As he held that bloodstained bible up,
For all of us to see.
He said: “Bless the farmer, and the teacher, an’ the preacher”
“Who gave this Bible to my mamma,
“Who read it to me.”

The first time that I heard this last part of the song, I was completely suckered in. I loved it. I had to immediately get the song and hear the story again. Again, that last line of the chorus struck me to the core:

I guess it’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you;
It’s what you leave behind you when you go.

As we head into the mania of the holiday season, I ask you to reflect a little less on the shopping and cheer, and a bit more on what your life purpose is. What impact do you want to leave the world? Is that promotion more important than attending your kid’s soccer games? If you miss that business convention to attend your daughter’s recital, will you miss anything of lasting importance? Have you helped someone in need or bought the newest iPhone?

What are you doing to Repair the World?

Bruce Sallan, author of “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation” and radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate. He carries his mission with not only his book and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated in over 100 newspapers and websites worldwide, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6pm -7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts.